Blog Post

 Really High Expectations

  • By Kim Milberg
  • 22 Jul, 2018

Steps to Restoring Your Soul, Part 1

When going to a fire, a firefighter will have about 60 pounds of gear on. A combat soldier may carry that much weight, or more, with them in the field. I can only imagine what a huge relief it must be to finally take all that gear off, lightening their heavy load. Yet, as people, we seem to be unaware that we were never created to carry heavy emotional burdens. Instead of gear, we carry burdens such of unforgiveness, offense, anger, bitterness, judgement and hatred. Those emotions come up in our thoughts, and can be revealed in our words and actions. They often lead to physical issues with our gastrointestinal tract, our skin, as well as increase the risks of chronic diseases and even pull calcium out of our bones. Jesus, Himself, has said that He has carried all our burdens. I’m convinced that when we try to carry these burdens can magnify the symptoms of PTSD. And I’m convinced more and more that there is a strong link between getting rid of these burdens and healing from PTSD.

In today’s blog, I want to focus on the dangerous burden of a simple thing called being judgmental - what that actually means, and how to get it out of your life. Although not easy, doing this is simple, if you are willing to make the needed changes.

For starters, I’ll admit that in my 30 years of being a Christian, I have been uncertain as to what it truly means to be judgmental. But a few months ago, I was reading an article on judging a Saddle Seat Equitation horse show class when I realized something that I had never noticed before. Let me explain:

I used to take lessons at a local horseback riding barn from the time I was 7 until I turned 21. I was taught to ride in a discipline called Saddle Seat Equitation, where the rider, not the horse, is judged. 3 different Associations have all agreed upon specific standards they desire to see in equitation riders in order to maintain high standards in riders throughout the nation. These standards dictate how trainers teach their students, and criteria for winning a horse show.  

In Saddle Seat Equitation, the rider is judged on carrying themselves a certain way, and how well they control their horse. During each class in a horse show, the judge would usually be near the center of the arena, walking around and making positive or negative notes on each rider as they rode by. To find the winners in each class, the judge would determine which riders best met those pre-determined standards. Almost as important, each judge can compare one rider to another. Judges are also allowed to include their own personal preferences, (or expectations), as well as comparing one rider to another.

Lightbulb moment!

-Horse show judges go by pre-set standards - So does God. He created the laws, and He set the standards in the Ten Commandments as well as throughout the Bible. Because He made the laws, God is the only One qualified to judge. James 4:12 says: ‘There is One Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another?’ And Psalm 50:6 says: ‘Let the heavens declare His righteousness, For God Himself is Judge.’

-God is Judge, not us - He sees, not just the outside, but the inside, and that is something mere people can never do. Hebrews 4:12 says: ‘For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.’

-a horse show judge will include their own preferences or expectations, but we cannot - People tend to have expectations of how others should be, think, talk and/or act. When others don’t meet those expectations, it’s easy to judge them, seeing them as stupid, wasteful, not loyal, lazy, wrong, idiots, etc. But no matter what they have done, or not done, our opinion of them will always be wrong, because it will always be incomplete. Matthew 7:1-2 says: ‘“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.’

-The horse show judge compares one rider to another - God does not want us to compare. He created the standards, and it’s His job to judge us and He is a fair and merciful judge. Luke 9:46 Jesus overheard the disciples comparing one to another: ‘An argument arose among them as to which of them was the greatest. But Jesus, knowing the reasoning of their hearts, took a child and put him by his side and said to them, “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you all is the one who is great.”

But wait! Theres more! I looked up the word ‘Judge’ in the Bible Dictionary to find the Biblical definition. ‘Judging’ means to: examine or investigate, to question and pass sentence, or to form an opinion. The word ‘Judgement’ denotes a separating, or to pronounce judgement upon someone, to assume the office of a judge, to take on the ability to pronounce a sentence upon.

So if judging separates people, which the definition indicates , then God hates it. Proverbs 6:16 gets right up in your face and says: ‘These six things the Lord hates,Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.’ Discord leads to separation. Instead, God calls us to love one another. John 15:12, Jesus says: ‘This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.’ Our main mission is to love God. And so we know exactly what the pre-set standard is, God gives us the definition in 1Corinthians 13:4-8: ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.'

The Bible is a book of Covenants. A Covenant is an agreement between two or more people. We are currently in the days of the New Covenant, made when Jesus was crucified, died, and rose again. However, we are NOT held to the Covenants in the Old Testament, only to those in the New Testament. But God, because He is faithful, holds Himself to every Covenant He has ever made.  When we do things HIS way instead of ours, He has promised to restore our soul, to redeem us, to protect us, to bless us, to love us, etc.   Our part of the Covenant is to love, not just those who are in Covenant with us, but even to love our enemies. This can be difficult because God also told us to guard our heart. Remember, God never told us to trust people, He told us to trust Him and love people. Instead of judging, let God be God and stay focused on what He asked you to do.

Being judgmental is usually negative, but not always. If you find yourself saying things like:
*’you wouldn’t understand’
*’look at the ways she’s dressed, she’s got to be looking for some action”
*’did you hear what he said? What an idiot!’
*’she’s got it all together. Loving husband, great kids, and her house always looks perfect.’
*’they are so self-righteous!’
*’they’re just narrow-minded’
then you're probably being  judgmental. I didn’t think I was judgmental until I did this study. Phew!! I have a lot to change. But the good news? God is merciful. His mercies are new every morning for all of us.

But how do we change?? Glad you asked! One way is to remember the Polish Proverb ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys!’ In other words, if it isn’t directly your business, let it go.  Just remember the old Polish Proverb: 'Not my circus, Not my monkeys!'. And trust me, that takes a lot of practice. But if something really is your business, realize that your opinion doesn’t always have to be public. Instead, ignore the distractions, stay in your own swim lane and keep swimming! Focus on answers, not on problems.  And best of all, remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-8? Use that verse as a pre-set filter to what you both think and say, asking yourself:
*is it patient?
*is it kind?
*does it reveal me envying someone?
*is it boastful or proud?
*does it dishonor others?
*am I being self-seeking?
*am I being easily angered?
*am I keeping a record of other peoples wrongs that they’ve done to me?
*is it the truth?

And for the times that you do overstep your boundaries and sin, stand on,  pray, and be thankful for these verses to get you out of trouble:

*2Corinthians 7:10 ‘Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.'

*1John 1:9 ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.’

Don’t kid yourself, avoiding being judgmental and letting God be the Judge while we are walk in love is a tough battle.   We need to be vigilant, honest, and very real with ourselves.  Don't just blow it off if you see something that you did wrong.  Confess it - it draws the poison out of you - and don't just think that because it happened a long time ago that it doesn't matter anymore.  It does. And, no, don't spend time mulling it over, degrading yourself, beating yourself up over it.  God to God and confess it.  But as motivation, remember, God PROMISES that He will restore your soul - your mind, will, and emotions, if we do things HIS way. So please know that I will be fighting the same battle, right along side of you. And know that I have prayed for you and continue to do so: you are not here by accident!





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